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Repair this broken heart.

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Friday, November 14th, 2003
9:35 pm
I AM done with this journal.. until further notice.

I also changed my screen name, if you're special i'll give it to you.

current mood: okay
current music: Bikini Kill
19 crossed the lines
7:08 pm
I fear I must interject here, you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself, with these revisions & gaps in history. So let me help you remember & make charts & graphs that should finally make it clear. I've prepared a lecture on why I must leave. So back away& let me go.

current music: Coldplay
4 crossed the lines
6:05 pm - Plea For Peace
A girl got suspended for kissing another girl at lunch. She stood on top of her table and yelled something along the lines of "stop homophobia"& then kissed her friend which was a girl.

current mood: flirty
current music: Bikini Kill
5 crossed the lines
5:46 pm
I made another mixtape, for someone special. I don't know if i'll end up giving it to them, but I put all my favorite songs on the second side, even the ones that make me smile or make me cry when i'm sad. I hope it's the kind of second side that he can listen to whenever he drives alone and feel like he belongs to something whenever he's sad. I hope it can be that for him.

I don't want to start thinking again. Not like I have this last week. I can't think again. Not ever again. I don't know if you've ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That's why I'm trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.

Sometimes, I look outside, and I think that a lot of other people have seen this snow before. Just like I think that a lot of other people have read those books before, and listened to those songs. I wonder how they feel tonight.

current mood: nostalgic
current music: The Postal Service
crossed the lines
Wednesday, November 12th, 2003
9:24 pm
"So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them."

current mood: okay
current music: The Postal Service
9 crossed the lines
9:20 pm
I asked this girl if she was going to the Choking Victim show in December, she said she doesn't know, but probably cuz she loves 'em, guess what? Choking Victim is dead.

I hung out with Kylie Monday night, we chilled& listened to music. We went up Carlene's for a little while, but it seemed like everyone was in a weird mood.

Tuesday everyone hung out, we watched part of Ghost World & walked around West Side, I had fun. Javi came back to, everyone was so excited.

Carlene is cutting 12 inches off her hair! It's gonna look so pretty<3!

current mood: tired
current music: Story of the Year
6 crossed the lines
Tuesday, November 11th, 2003
12:41 pm - Stole this from Carlene
Charlie
Charlie


Which 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower' character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

That is possibly one of the best books ever<3.

current mood: lazy
current music: Matchbook Romance
1 crossed the lines
Monday, November 10th, 2003
5:27 pm
while you're sitting there preaching to me, a girl you don't know, maybe you should ask some questions before those accusations. whatever bullshit you're complaining about all i'm doing is sitting here thinking 'blah blah blah' & laughing about it. you're so silly with your wits. i don't take offence to anything you're saying cuz i know who my friends are & if i wanted to be tough i could say 'my bestezt friend is lyke s0 g0nna beat uu up' but thats not what i'm fuckin about, so just say out of my way, christina.

oh yeah .. that was for molly.

current mood: pissed
current music: Lunachicks
2 crossed the lines
Sunday, November 9th, 2003
8:31 pm
Today I hung out with Kyle, Car, Johanna, & Pat. It was a lot of fun. We went to visit Erica at work & then we chilled and listened to music at Carlene's. We might hang out & watch Ghost World tomorrow night, as long as my dad is normal.

current mood: cold
current music: No Doubt
2 crossed the lines
Saturday, November 8th, 2003
7:43 pm - Waste of paint
It's funny how I find myself in love with you..
If I could buy my reasoning, i'd pay to lose.

Funny how I blind myself, I never knew,
If I was sometimes played upon, afraid to lose.

I ask myself .. how much do you commit yourself?

I went downtown with Kylie today. I bought a few things, I love Kylie so much, we can talk juicy now! ;] .. I saw Tom, but he didn't recognize me cuz of my hair haha& when I got home he left me a message saying "Hey were you at the mall today with black hair?" haha I love that boy so much, even if it's not mutual. We saw Jeff & Jesse, Jeff is such a pretty boy<3. We saw Larry to haha, good times.

I think I want to do my speech& drama project on No Doubt, it'd be rockin'

<3

current mood: good
current music: No Doubt<3
6 crossed the lines
10:52 am
Last night I went to Kirsten's.
It was one of the best nights in awhile.
Jess, Car, Erica, Jo, &Meg were there,
Brad, Kyle & Pat even hung out with us.


standing on the edge of summer
What Thursday Song Are You? [Updated Images]
brought to you by Quizilla

current mood: sad
current music: Thursday
1 crossed the lines
Thursday, November 6th, 2003
7:01 pm
I've had a lot on my mind lately.
I love talking to Pat, I feel like I can trust him,
& I guess you can I say that I barely know him.

Drew taped me a copy of White Oleander& a special from E! on Courtney Love. He's so funny, he always finds a way to cheer me up, Thanks Drew.

I got my school picture. Everyone in my civics class was all "omg before& after!! tee-he-he!!" I think I like my hair how it was better, but then again, a lot of people say they like it this way.

I have yet to hang out with Pat, I hope we see each other over the weekend.

I'm making another tape, so far its all Brand New & Thursday.

current mood: amused
current music: Pretty Girls Make Graves
1 crossed the lines
6:25 pm
Hi Pat,
you're nifty.

current mood: exanimate
current music: Le Tigre<333
1 crossed the lines
6:08 pm - Just once, let's do something different. If it's not too much.
I think I've seen every star in the sky tonight, removed from the city lights, has never seemed so bright.

I know I shouldn't believe a word you say. I do anyway, cos I'm dumb like that.

& all the words I've given to you.. when you smiled I thought that it meant something else. You were just being yourself, being nice, you're always rather polite to me.

You let me down again, when you ignored the things I said to you. If I was scared of you then maybe I could leave & if I walked away right now, there would be nothing left for me to lose but doubt.

I never fell so far for anyone before, never again I swore, with you hope was restored. You make me feel like I've been torn apart; I don't like that at all. I've lost control.

& all the words I've given to you, I poured my heart out into an empty coffee cup, you drank it up, & left me here to drown, alone. You let me down again, when you ignored the things I said to you. If I was scared of you, then maybe I could leave. Cos if I walked away right now, there would be nothing left for me to lose but I can't lose you.



I can't lose you.



I think I've seen every star that I care to see, but I don't wanna leave. It hurts when you're self-deceived. I know I shouldn't believe a word you say, I do it anyway, cos I'm dumb like that.

& all the words I've given to you.. when you smiled I thought that it meant something else. You were just being yourself, being nice, your always rather polite to me.

YOU LET ME DOWN AGAIN when you ignored the things I said to you. If I was scared of you then maybe I could leave. Cos if I walked away right now, there would be nothing left for me to lose but doubt. (but doubt, but doubt)

There's nothing left, there's nothing left for me to lose but doubt. (there's nothing left, there's nothing left) For me to lose but doubt, there's nothing left, there's nothing left.

current mood: sad
current music: No Doubt
crossed the lines
Wednesday, November 5th, 2003
5:35 pm
Breaking News.

Green River Killer admits killing 48 women.

current mood: sick
current music: Le Tigre
4 crossed the lines
Tuesday, November 4th, 2003
8:51 pm
My hair .. is almost black ... & I have semi-bangs.

So I was reading Erica's journal & she's completely correct. IT IS fucking annoying when people have away messsages, journal entries, profiles, etc., like "OMG YOU HAVE TO BUY THIS CUZ THIS BAND RAWKS SO MUCH!" when you heard one song once & its so fucking punk rock. or "I'M SO SCENE CUZ LIKE I KNOW THE NAME OF THE SINGER OF DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL" or "I ALMOST DIED AT THAT CONCERT, IT WAS SO HARDxCORE!" No one cares, don't act like such an expert on something you are not. *Cough Cough*

So today I hung out with Kirsten, John, Car, Erica, Jess, Kevin& Gary. I went to Brunetti's to see Pat .. I will never again, it was to weird. pfft.

Tonight was like a big dance party, right ladies?

current mood: calm
current music: Choking Victim
crossed the lines
Monday, November 3rd, 2003
4:43 pm
Days like today are too good to be true,
no really .. i'm on a crying binge.

As much as I try not to be negative, I am.& as much as I say i'm fine, i'm not. Certain things that happen during the day just bring me down so much. Like today, seeing Nick& G made me feel so cold-hearted, but then seeing people like Rebecca I feel wonderful.

This temporary satisfaction is not helping.

Other things like being nagged on at school, people after school like T. Even J, she might not know how much she hurts me when she says things, but she really does.& I can barely even stand to be around her anymore.

My dad is major though. We're always fighting & he never understands how I feel. If I try to defend myself he says "I have an answer for everything" & if I earn the grades he says will allow me to do anything & I do, he just changes why I can't do things to something else, for some other reasons. He could've just said no & let that be the end of it, but he had to start an arguement. I hope he's happy. He's just as closed-minded as he thinks I am.

I think i'm just going to take a shower, the best place to have a cry& drown my sorrows in music. Goodnight.

current mood: sad
current music: Bigwig
1 crossed the lines
3:52 pm
Whispering sweet nothings..
You've been whispering sweet nothings..

current mood: irate
current music: Alkaline Ttrio
crossed the lines
Saturday, November 1st, 2003
8:24 pm
Halloween was a dissapointment. I didn't seem like Halloween at all, no one was in the spirit. I chilled with Charlotte a little bit, that was the best part, I guess.

Pat called me .. twice. & Bobby is on the caller Id.

current mood: tired
current music: Pretty Girls Make Graves
3 crossed the lines
Thursday, October 30th, 2003
6:19 pm
The past few days have been okay.

The other night was the Drama benifit where Punch Drunk & Genuine Adreneline(sp) played. I didn't like either of them, but I did get to see every, even Beth! Beth, no matter what you say, you're gorgeous, especially with the lipstick .. hang out with us sometime?

I got my PSSA's back, I did really good on the reading part, but not that great on the math =\ oh well, that was last year.

Joe looked like John Lennon today cuz he took off his hoodie & his shirt looked like something from the Sargent Pepper era, so I called him that all day. It amused me until people started asking why I was saying it.

Tomorrow is halloween. I'm going trick or treating & to a party. I'm just going to wear my dress from the eighth grade dance. Hella tiggghhht. ;]

current mood: okay
current music: The Cure.
2 crossed the lines
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